{"id":465,"date":"2011-09-11T19:02:14","date_gmt":"2011-09-12T02:02:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/?p=465"},"modified":"2011-09-11T19:10:09","modified_gmt":"2011-09-12T02:10:09","slug":"have-you-seen-a-therapist-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/?p=465","title":{"rendered":"“Have you seen a therapist yourself?”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Recently a patient asked whether I’d ever been in therapy myself. \u00a0Without answering his question directly (see my post<\/a> on psychotherapist disclosure and privacy), I replied that many of us have, and asked what it meant to him. \u00a0It would be a bad sign: “How can you help if you need help too?” \u00a0We went on to discuss his feeling that being in psychotherapy marked him as defective or deficient. \u00a0He would naturally prefer a therapist who did not share similar defects and deficiencies.<\/p>\n

Many patients take the opposite view. \u00a0They believe a doctor who knows what it’s like to be a patient can better empathize with them. \u00a0So this patient’s concern stood out in my mind \u2014 he truly feels his psychotherapy is a mark against him, a kind of declaration or admission that he is damaged. \u00a0I later reminded myself that professionals \u2014 and others, everyone really \u2014 regularly use services offered by others in the same field. \u00a0Lawyers have their own lawyers, doctors see their own doctors. \u00a0Chefs eat meals made by other chefs, barbers get haircuts from other barbers. \u00a0The only problematic examples that come to mind are when the condition being treated is shameful or morally repugnant, or when the condition could directly affect the service being offered. \u00a0Examples of the former: police officers who require the “services” of other police officers after committing crimes, and clergy who need spiritual or moral counseling for their own transgressions. \u00a0Examples of the latter: a neurologist with brain damage, and a business consultant who cannot maintain his or her own business and needs outside help. \u00a0How does this apply to psychotherapists, and what light does it shed on patients’ feelings about seeing therapists themselves?<\/p>\n

The need for psychotherapy\u00a0feels to many people like a sign of defect\/deficiency\/damage. \u00a0In speaking with patients I often highlight the “need” in that sentence, and contrast it with “want” or “could benefit by.” \u00a0Some patients make themselves feel worse by telling themselves they “need” therapy, when it would be just as accurate to say they are apt to benefit by it, or even that they desire it. \u00a0I don’t believe it devalues psychotherapy, or psychiatric medications for that matter, to note that they’re frequently optional. \u00a0Most depression improves on its own eventually<\/em>, and people may choose to muddle along in life dissatisfied, angry, or in a series of bad relationships. \u00a0Remembering that psychotherapy is a choice may take some of the shame out of it.<\/p>\n

That’s only part of it, though. \u00a0No one worries or cares if one’s proctologist also needed to see a proctologist at some point, even though proctological conditions feel shameful to many people. \u00a0In addition to shame, there is moral repugnance associated with mental illness, even, or perhaps especially, the apparently milder problems that lead people into psychotherapy. \u00a0Often unstated is the notion that one chooses<\/em> to be emotionally weak, distraught, hotheaded, or whatever, and that this choice is selfish, unfair to others, or otherwise immoral. \u00a0Moreover, that seeking professional help to “snap out of it” or pull oneself together is self-indulgent and akin to laziness. \u00a0While the idea isn’t totally groundless \u2014\u00a0there is<\/em> some choice in how to act, and even how to feel sometimes \u2014 it assumes far too much conscious choice. \u00a0Most troubled patients would give anything to be happier, at least consciously. \u00a0In returning to my patient’s question, perhaps he would not trust a doctor who willingly made himself dependent on others to help steer his life back on course. \u00a0It may feel as morally suspect as the corrupt police officer or clergyman: a character flaw in the traditional sense.<\/p>\n

Alternatively, there may be concern that a psychotherapist who needed therapy (“needed” in scare-quotes as noted above) cannot perform well as a therapist. \u00a0This would be analogous to the brain-damaged neurologist or the business consultant whose own business is failing. \u00a0The logic may be pragmatic: \u00a0A psychotherapist should have his or her own life in order before claiming to be able to help others. \u00a0Or it may be fear that residual pathology lurking in the therapist may be harmful to the patient. \u00a0Or it may be a transferential\u00a0need for an idealized, faultless therapist. \u00a0Each of these can be addressed as it arises. \u00a0We each have our blind spots, and can help others without necessarily being able to help ourselves. \u00a0It is better to have sought treatment for potentially hurtful pathology, than to have ignored or denied it. \u00a0No therapist is perfect.<\/p>\n

Any or all of these concerns about the therapist may also apply to the patient himself. \u00a0Being in therapy may make a patient feel ashamed, or morally bad or wrong. \u00a0It may highlight a fear of incompetence or harmfulness. \u00a0It may clash with a need to be perfect. \u00a0Asking the therapist “Have you seen a therapist yourself?” may be an easier way for the patient to broach sensitive feelings about his or her own participation in therapy. \u00a0This seemingly simple question can carry a lot of meaning, and if explored in detail, can help a patient understand himself better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently a patient asked whether I’d ever been in therapy myself. Without answering his question directly (see my post on psychotherapist disclosure and privacy), I replied that many of us have, and asked what it meant to him. It would be a bad sign: “How can you help if you need help too?” We went […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[41,44,20],"class_list":["post-465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psychotherapy","tag-self-criticism","tag-stigma","tag-therapist-disclosure","odd"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/465","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=465"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/465\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":475,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/465\/revisions\/475"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}