{"id":1287,"date":"2017-09-27T12:16:25","date_gmt":"2017-09-27T19:16:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/?p=1287"},"modified":"2017-09-27T12:30:55","modified_gmt":"2017-09-27T19:30:55","slug":"does-severe-remorse-require-a-specialist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/?p=1287","title":{"rendered":"Does severe remorse require a specialist?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In her recent New Yorker<\/em> article, “The Sorrow and the Shame of the Accidental Killer<\/a>,” author Alice Gregory claims there are no self-help books\u00a0for anyone who has accidentally killed another person. \u00a0Nor published research, therapeutic protocols, publicly listed support groups, nor therapists who specialize in their treatment. \u00a0She profiles several such tormented souls who bear their burdens largely alone.<\/p>\n

Yet dealing with guilt, shame, and regret is a mainstay of both self-help and professional therapy. \u00a0A simple online search reveals page after page of self-help websites, therapist and clinic practices, newspaper and magazine articles, all about forgiving oneself, learning to accept one’s failures, and letting go. \u00a0In that sense the piece misleads about the lack of help available. \u00a0Indeed, although I don’t “specialize” in the treatment of those who accidentally kill another person \u2014 as best I recall, I’ve never worked with this specifically \u2014 I join many of my colleagues in welcoming any such person into my practice.<\/p>\n

Gregory implies this particular remorse is unique: qualitatively different and far worse than regrets about bad marriages, abusive parenting, ruined businesses, accidental self-harm, and so on. \u00a0And so it is, in the same way that murder is usually considered the worst crime. \u00a0Taking a life, even unintentionally, is irrevocable and can’t be remedied. \u00a0Each life is one of a kind.<\/p>\n

Does this render all the self-help moot? \u00a0the army of therapists clueless? \u00a0Does it take an elusive specialist to help in such severe cases?<\/p>\n

Experience can’t hurt, of course. \u00a0Just as an experienced addiction therapist readily spots enabling and codependency; just as a therapist well versed in psychodynamics quickly senses subtle inner conflict; just as an expert cognitive therapist knows how to tailor a welcome intervention; so too a therapist who has worked with many guilt-ridden, self-punishing CADI<\/a>\u00a0(“Causing Accidental Death or Injury”) clients would know which interventions are usually helpful.<\/p>\n

Lacking such an expert, should a sufferer reach out for the far more accessible, if less tailored, help out there? \u00a0By all means. \u00a0Although CADI is an extreme case, no one’s life story or emotional burden is exactly like another’s. \u00a0No one’s guilty remorse \u2014 or depression, anxiety, or self-sabotage \u2014 is quite the same as anyone else’s. \u00a0No therapist, no matter how experienced or specialized, can know beforehand exactly where a patient or client is coming from. \u00a0To one CADI client, the phrase “accidental killer” (in the title of the New Yorker<\/em> piece) may feel just right, to another painfully harsh. \u00a0Even the value-neutral term “CADI” covers very different situations, e.g., a subway operator unable to stop the train before hitting a suicidal person on the tracks, versus a driver who falls asleep at the wheel and veers into unsuspecting traffic.<\/p>\n

A widely-read New Yorker<\/em> article highlighting this forgotten, suffering group is surely a gift to these folks and their loved ones. \u00a0Yet it would be sad if it left the false impression that only hard-to-find, specialized help is worth seeking. \u00a0In this situation especially, it’s important to remember our human connection with others, not just our differences.<\/p>\n

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In her recent New Yorker article, “The Sorrow and the Shame of the Accidental Killer,” author Alice Gregory claims there are no self-help books for anyone who has accidentally killed another person. Nor published research, therapeutic protocols, publicly listed support groups, nor therapists who specialize in their treatment. She profiles several such tormented souls who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,51],"tags":[54,41,58],"class_list":["post-1287","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-human-nature","category-psychiatry-in-general","tag-responsibility","tag-self-criticism","tag-violence","odd"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1287"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1290,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287\/revisions\/1290"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.stevenreidbordmd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}